


Adonis

by Azazels_Star



Series: Language Of The Flowers [1]
Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Afterlife, Angst, Canonical Character Death, Dead People, Depression, Duel Monsters, Emotional Hurt, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Millenium Puzzle, Mutou Yuugi Needs a Hug, One Shot Collection, Pining, Post-Ceremonial Duel, Puzzleshipping, Rivalry, Self-Hatred, Self-cest, Suicidal Thoughts, Talking, Talking To Dead People, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:28:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27938913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azazels_Star/pseuds/Azazels_Star
Summary: Adonis- Sad MemoriesYugi has a little chat with Yami
Relationships: Mutou Yuugi/Yami Yuugi
Series: Language Of The Flowers [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2045928
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	Adonis

**Author's Note:**

> TW for suicidal thoughts. Nothing too explicit but it's there.

Yugi had gotten good at acting. 

It had been hard enough when Yami had first been around, pretending like there wasn’t that little voice in his head and trying not to argue with it around others. In the beginning he’d be afraid, both of that voice and what exactly it entailed. There’d been blackouts, mysterious incidents around Domino City that had no other explanation. He’d apologized for those after they’d gotten to know each other, for the unusually cruel punishment games inflicted on others. Yami had stubbornly insisted they deserved it until nearly the very end, eventually breaking after Yugi had pushed hard enough. They were both stubborn in their own ways, but that was what made them fit so well together. He’d known he’d miss their times together before they were even memories, but nothing had actually prepared him for the end. 

His friends had suspected that something was amiss, but their encouragement was near suffocating. He appreciated it, knew that they were trying their best to support him in such a difficult time, but it wasn’t what he needed. Their kind words grew stale eventually, an endless tirade of tight smiles and sad eyes. They were mourning Yami in their own way, but there was something still not quite comfortable about it. He felt the need to comfort them back, even as exhausting as it was. They needed help just like he did, but he was in no place to offer it back. 

It was odd, wanting time alone again. Before the puzzle, back when even Jonouchi looked down at him, he’d just gotten used to it. He’d been happy then, sitting in the classroom, ignoring the world around him and enjoying being in his own head. It was more that he’d gotten content with being the weak kid, but looking back on the past it was easier to call it happiness then admit what it really had been. It hurt remembering the extent of the bullying, before he’d had friends to really break him out of his shell. 

It all felt foggy, like his brain wanted to shield him from the past abuse. There was a distinct line drawn between the times, labeled neatly in his disorganized brain as before and after. Before he’d accepted that he’d just find company in his puzzles, and after, when Yami had appeared. 

Life felt much brighter in comparison, more vivid after Yami arrived. It was like he’d been given proper sight, felt the lonely chill leave his bones when he really got to know who he now called great friends. Yami, despite his initial brooding and their disagreements, was still someone he felt determined to know. He was guarded at first, heavily so, and Yugi knew in hindsight that Yami didn’t exactly look at him warmly for the beginning of their time together. Yami was strong, steadfast, and he was the optimist that kept them both ticking. 

They needed each other, and they both realized that quickly. Yami liked to go too far, and Yugi never went far enough. It took some headbutting, but once they’d settled together, it was like clockwork. There were no more blackouts, no mysterious presence hanging over him. It was still Yugi’s secret for a while, but that made it more interesting. It was just a new puzzle to solve, the enigma that was the ghost hanging around him. He regretted later, looking at Yami like that, even if he knew Yami found it funny. It seemed cold to Yugi, to forget the spirit he was talking to had once been human, who had technically been  _ him.  _ Sometimes it made his head hurt, but now it just fit right. Someone like Yami needed a reminder of what to fight for, and he’d needed the encouragement to fight on his own. 

Remembering their time together brought back that little spark of warmth, sometimes even a genuine smile to his face. Yami and him, laughing inside his own head as he had to explain countless things, like speaking to a child. Foods that Yami had never gotten to taste, games and technology he could have never imagined, and people he’d never been able to meet. Being a pharaoh meant responsibilities, so he’d never gotten to be a normal kid like Yugi. Sometimes he really was childish, acting like the spoiled prince he used to be, but Yugi found it endearing. It was fun, to watch his eyes light up and his mouth drop in surprise at something new and flashy, practically yelling in his head for Yugi to explain what exactly he was looking at. He’d let Yami take over so he could experience things first hand, getting his hands on things and excitedly looking them over. He’d turn them over in their joined hands, and Yugi would smother a laugh as Yami marveled at whatever gadget he’d picked up. He got indignant when Yugi would make fun of him too much, so he tried his best to keep it together. To be fair he got the same way when Yami would tease him, so he couldn’t really blame him. 

He sighed as he sat back on the bench, listening to the tide lap at the docks. His heart felt heavy as he watched the sun set, that awful, familiar feeling of loneliness clinging to him. It was hard to escape from, as it had seemingly wedged itself into every crack of his being. With silent acceptance he sat, hand at his chest. The water reflected a fractured image back at him, the space behind him all too empty. He’d covered the mirror in his room, and made a point to hide from the ones he could avoid. It was wrong to see his own face, knowing that it was Yami’s as well. 

It was always awkward to start these conversations on his own. The silence was thick, nearly unbreakable, save for the hiss of the waves beneath him. He knew no one was around at that time, all the dock workers long since gone home. It was summer, so there was no school that demanded his attention. It left plenty of time for him to think of what to say, even if it took him a while to spit it out. 

“Hey,” he started, swallowing hard. “It’s um, it’s me. Again. Sorry, I know it’s been a bit since we talked. Or, I guess, since I talked.”

The words sounded bitter, but no matter how much he denied it, that’s what he felt. It was impossible to cover up, and he knew Yami would have been able to see through it in an instant had he been there. 

Yugi sighed. “Sorry, I know you’re out there, somewhere. You have to be, right? You wouldn’t leave me on my own, not totally. At least, I don’t think so.”

It didn’t feel fair to him that Yami got to go rest, and he was left behind. He knew it wasn’t as simple as that, that Yami had spent millenia unable to find peace, but it didn’t matter to him as much as it should have. He just couldn’t shake the feeling of being abandoned, no matter how hard he tried. 

“Jonouchi struck out with a girl again today,” he said, unable to hide a small smile. “It’s kind of embarrassing sometimes, but you know how he is. He tries his best, but he’s not exactly smooth. Honda is the same way. The two of them still sometimes make me laugh, seeing how ridiculous they are.

“Anzu is getting ready to leave for school soon, and I’m trying really hard to be excited for her. It’s not easy though,” he admitted. “I think she’s the one who gets it the best out of all of them. She tries, anyway, which I’m grateful for. I know she’s going to love being in school, but it’s going to be hard to keep in touch.

“I still haven’t decided what I’m going to do after school. I was so busy with you, y’know, saving the world and trying to find your memories that I didn’t really think of it. I spent so long daydreaming that I forgot to wake up. Now, I’m just kind of stuck here, figuring it out and talking to you.”

Yugi hugged himself, staring down at his feet. “All my friends have plans, even Kaiba’s got his business to run and Mokuba to look after. He misses you too, although I doubt he’d ever admit it. I don’t speak to him much anymore, since he’s so busy. He always wanted to speak to you, not me, so now that you’re gone there’s no point in being around me. My plans were all about the group of us, just living day to day and trying to make sense of everything. You kind of dominated everything, so there’s no real structure left now that you’re not here.”

“I don’t like to admit it, but I’m mad at you sometimes. It feels mean, that you’re gone when I need you most. I’m scared that everyone’s going to go away again, and I’m just going to be left alone. Sometimes I can see the strain on their faces, when they see I’m not doing well. It hurts knowing that I’m upsetting them, but I just feel different. They don’t know what it’s like, as much as they pretend to. I know they’re hurting, but they didn’t lose you like I did.

“You were more than just my friend. More than just my partner. I l-”

He sighed. Even now he couldn’t bring himself to say it. Not to empty air, in the space where Yami should have been. “I know you probably knew. We couldn’t hide much from each other, but then I wonder why you didn’t say something. Did you not want to hurt me? Is that it?

“Were you sparing me?” he mused. “Trying to protect me from myself? I’ve thought about it a lot, and I know what I feel. I worried that I just didn’t know what it was like to have a friend, but I’ve heard other people talk about it. How it feels to be really close with someone, like we are… or were, I guess. I know I can always talk to you, but it hurts that you can’t respond. It feels cruel, but I’m trying to find a way to accept it.”

He pulled his knees up to his chest. “You’d probably give me a big speech for this, but sometimes… sometimes I wonder if it’d be best to just join you. Nothing is the same without you here, and it’s never going to feel that good again. I’ve tried, I really have, but it’s just so different. I don’t know if we’ll end up in the same place, but it’s worth a shot. I’m sure the others wouldn’t understand, but they’d move on eventually. They’ve all got so much in their futures, but I’m stuck in the past, where you’re supposed to be with me.

“I’ve been trying not to think about it, but it’s hard not to. It’s the only way I might be able to see you again. I dream about you sometimes, but when I wake up and see you’re not there, it hurts more. My head just seems so empty without you. It’s so quiet, and I don’t like it.”

He stared up at the sky, where streaks of orange had painted their colors onto the clouds. “Maybe one day I’ll have the courage to, but right now I’m too scared. I don’t even know where you are, if there’s anywhere to actually go. Maybe you’re not asleep, you’re just dead, and there’s nothing else. Maybe the memories are as good as it’s going to get, and if there really is nothing, then I won’t even have those.

“Or maybe it’ll all be okay then. I’ll get to see you again, and we can watch our friends go on with their lives. We can laugh at Jonouchi and Honda being stupid again, or cheer on Anzu when she gets on stage. It’ll be the two of us, but you’ll have your own body this time. I’ll get to see more of what you used to look like, and hear you again.

“And then when they die, we’ll all be together again. You used to get so flustered when they’d get excited, it was really funny. I can introduce you to them again, and they’ll see you like I always did.”

Yugi smiled as a hot tear streaked down his cheek. “It’ll be how it’s supposed to be. Everything will be fine then. It won’t hurt anymore.”

The sea crashed against the dock, spraying his face with mist. It seemed to be calling him, drawing him in and promising that what he needed was just below the surface. It would have been easy to step off, let his heavy heart sink to the bottom and let go.

“I’m too scared though,” he said, voice cracking. “I need you to be the brave one again, so I can see you and we’ll be together. I don’t think I can go through it by myself. What if I mess up somehow? What if I do it wrong, and then I won’t even be able to talk to you like this? What’s going to happen then?

“I miss you, partner. I wish you were here, because you’d know the right thing to do. We could figure it out together, like we always did.”

Yugi let out a sob, his body starting to shake. “Please, just say something? Let me know you’re actually listening to me, that I’m not alone. Anything, just give me a sign. I’m not asking for much, just let me know you’re here.”

A cold wind blew over the water, chilling him to the bone. It seemed to mock him, echoing in his empty head as it rushed past him. There was no whisper carried on the breeze, no glimmer in his reflection or a signal up in the clouds. He was alone, and nothing was going to change that. 

Yugi curled in on himself as the tears rolled down his cheeks. His body ached, the weight he was carrying felt too much for his exhausted self to take anymore. There was no one there to help share the load with anymore, not even to answer his desperate cry for help. The wind was uncaring, as was the sea that taunted him.

His partner was gone, and there was no amount of pleading that would bring him back. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!
> 
> So this is my first time actually writing anything for YGO. I wanted to participate in the BB but the idea I had is crazy dark and it's a big project so I figured I'd start small with a little series I had in mind. Adonis is a flower that I was always taught meant sad memories, so it just fit well for the two of them imo. I do love my angst.
> 
> I appreciate any comments they really help me out ^^ I've been on archive under a different account for years but I made this one to keep all my dark, gory stuff to a separate account. Fresh start and all that. This stuff is really refreshing compared to my usual work so I love writing it! I'm relatively new to the series since I didn't grow up with it, but I'm actually working at becoming a competitive duelist at my locals because I'd love to get to a nationals one day. I'm a monarch player at heart but I'll suffer with another deck :,) 
> 
> I plan on doing more of these so let me know any other ideas of things you want to see! They're all based on the meanings of different flowers, but if you have one you'd like to suggest, let me know! I've got about five more for sure planned so hopefully they'll be up on some sort of consistent timeline. I usually thrive writing some really nasty, dark stuff (seriously I've written it all and nothing shocks me anymore) but I don't know how well this fanbase tolerates that kind of thing and I want to enjoy the nicer side before I sully my name with my usual sin. 
> 
> Thanks, and excuse any errors please because my beta reader doesn't like YGO and this is pretty rambly :)  
> -A


End file.
